Archive: Reconsolence

(Original FB post)

In my head.

…is a word I made up because there wasn’t a word to describe the looping of loss and acceptance I’m still feeling. I have loved Tilda Swinton for years now. She was my star in the sky, a direction when I couldn’t find anyone else like myself. But she may also be a dream and I am mourning the loss of that dream.

I want to give her the testimony on Polanski. In my secret heart I see her read it and her good heart will realize why he must go to prison. But then I wonder if it will only make her sad and nothing more. Or angry. Maybe she won’t see why, or maybe she doesn’t care.

I don’t want to give up. I’m stubborn like that. People shake their heads and tell me I should have known better than to have believed in a movie star but the little voice inside screams ‘it’s not over yet!’

So I will get her the testimony. I might send it through her agent. I might send it through a friend. I might even try to hand it to her when we cross paths in five days. And I will pray she reads it and understands.

I guess I should be glad this is the most troubling thing on my mind right now…




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