Archive: The Love

The Love

I continue to feel the pain of my decision and surely it will continue until the day passes. But why? Logically it is only a few hours in a foreign country to view footage of something I already witnessed amongst people I barely know. But logic has, nor ever had, a place here. I lay upon the couch and let my mind go blank in search of answers, and though there are the obvious, the first and most profound reason is unforeseen;

Because I was wanted there. Very much wanted there.

When that hole was torn in the sky I was amongst the few that jumped through. All of us departed our backgrounds and selves. All of us were bare, to each other, to ourselves. It has become a lifeline to something greater, the sum of ourselves, the miracle of the land, and the way we lived upon it that summer. It is something so great that sometimes I don’t believe I was part of it. Me? Of all people? So frail and fringe, tucked away. How is it I was there? Even with pictures I’m not sure. I’ve never been a part of anything.

But I must have been, because I have been sought out. It is a validation. It is love.

There is a fear that if I were not to go, I would miss another shared experience and separate myself from the group. With every fellow traveler that ignored my request for friendship, I wondered about it. Of course, I did not go to impress others, only to find myself, but this sense of belonging has caught me off guard. I don’t want to lose it now.

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