Archive: Gender angst

Gender angst

I’m the middle one.

I’m glad I’m not gendered, just like I’m glad I’m not in a religion or of any discernible ethnic group. I’ve always been happy about that, but now I’m especially so.

Gender looks like it sucks. No matter what variation you are, you still have to deal with what other people consider to be normal for that specific variant. Somehow it’s never enough or never correct. That’s because gender is a social classification. Think about it; it only has any real significance when relating to other people. Obviously a hermit is not going to have gender issues, because who else is around to give a damn?

If he never saw anyone else in his life, how would he know there was anything different between what he is?

So picture this;

Some biologically male guy lives on a hill and has never met anyone else (but somehow speaks English) and another biologically male bodied guy with a female gender shows up.

Hermit guy: Well howdy! What are you?

New guy: I’m a woman.

Hermit guy: I guess that’s what I am, then!

New guy takes hermit guy to civilization and hermit guy sees a bio female.

Hermit: What are those lumps on his chest?

New guy: Those are breasts.

Hermit: I like ’em. How do you get some?

New guy: You mean you want to transition?

Hermit: Wha…? Nah, I just want them breasts. They look fun to squeeze.

New guy: You get breasts if you want to look like a woman.

Hermit: I don’t look like a woman? I look like you. Aren’t you a woman?

New guy: I AM a woman! I just don’t look like one.

Hermit: Then what the hell DO we look like?

New guy: Men.

Hermit: So what the hell am I?

New guy: You have to figure that out for yourself.

Hermit: Why?

New guy: So that you know!

Hermit: Know WHAT?

New guy: Who you are!

Hermit: I’m whatever gets the breasts, so I choose ‘woman’.

New guy: That’s not how it works! It’s more than appearance!

Hermit: What’s the point in picking one, then? Hasn’t even mattered until now. Fuck it. I’ma get me some breasts and then I’m going back to the hills.

And that’s how I came to live happily ever after with my breasts. Luckily I was born with them so I didn’t have to pay. They really are fun to squeeze.

Sometimes I feel bad, because while technically I belong in the Genderqueer bin, I don’t fit in there at all. I mean, ‘cis’ gendered people think about gender a lot, but GQs are all over it. They’re like, extreme gender people because for them it’s not clear cut and they HAVE to think about it a lot.

Meanwhile, I have no concept of gender whatsoever. I never had one. I can’t really get one at this point, and as seen by the conversation above, see no need to even want one. Sometimes I feel like I’m some sort of callous dick for not understanding the suffering of my supposed GQ brethren. Am I a dick for being glad I don’t suffer due to something that seems inherently stupid? Is gender even necessary for the survival of the human species in modern human society?

It’s a vestigial limb long overdue to come off, as far as I’m concerned.

Some might say that’s the autism and I’d agree, but not for the reason that autistic people can’t empathize, but that my autism wiped out my gender.

Thank fucking god.

Comments:

  • Karen Silvan and Susan Lipson like this.
  • Susan Lipson And this is why I too am happy to be genderless. I mean, what’s the point? When I was a kid I was largely unaware of the world around me, and so did not have society’s “norms” being pushed on me (or rather, I probably did but never noticed). When I finally became aware of it, I was just perplexed. Why would people go through all of that? It had never even occurred to me that having a gender was considered “normal”. The only purpose it seems to serve is confusing the hell out of people.
  • Amanda Grace My heeeeaaaaad huuuuurtssssss!
  • Carmelena-Capriella Machevelli I decided a long time ago never to try to define who I was or what I was through any classification that pigeon holed me into a set description. Hell, I don’t even think there is one that fits me anyways. I hate labels, and I went through a time where I was so confused I didn’t know if I was coming or going. But life has been better since I decided that I didn’t have to conform to any standard. I only had to be myself 🙂
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