Archives: Conflicts of Interest

Conflicts of Interest

Somehow ended up watching videos of the Boxing Day Tsunami of 04.

I’m a logically based person. I’m not religious. I don’t believe in crystals or spells or heaven. It’s not a choice not to believe. I can’t believe something I don’t believe, for example; I’d like to believe that all government actions are for the greater good, but I don’t. It’s not logical and certainly not probable.

But I was there for the tsunami. I drowned in it. It’s not possible, but I was riding on someone else’s consciousness for their last few minutes. I woke up screaming at 12:20 AM, December 26th, 2004. The wife was there, and I told her what I saw.

That wave… I had felt something I had never felt before or since while dreaming, even at my most lucid;

This is not supposed to be here.

Over seven years later it remains a wormhole in my memory. I feel compelled to watch the videos because I was there, but I wasn’t there. I’m trying to understand an event I lived through that connects to no other memory I have. Really, I’d like to pretend it never happened. It conflicts with everything I run by.

But then I see a picture, a video, and some part of me resonates, the same that does when I see anything I have personal experience with. I’m sure it could be proven by CAT-scan.

So why not embrace this, and other abnormal phenomena that my system seems to attract?

Because I find comfort in science. I find comfort it the blameless, random nature of science. I find comfort in NOT knowing certain things, in that NO one can know certain things, not even a god, and that we are all on an even playing field in that. That I am not responsible for knowing or not knowing. The wonder and openness of chance.

I doubt any of this is making any sense.

Anyway… here’s a picture I made of what I saw that night…day… something….

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